time, at time was..
none endure such of pain,
none hold out such a misery,
none shall rise from its distressed

time, at time is
one sees an opportunity
one feels relieve
one wants to free.

time, at time will,…
as breed of happiness,
as grow of hopes..
as it begins by one warm smile.

(Jakarta, Nov 2009)

new computer,, well.. it isnt new, brand new computer when i looked at it. I just got it from the IT department, because it’s my right , note : it’s every new employee right.

The IT department, they have some kind of list of name from A-to-Z for about 30 people, and today is  my turn when my name showed up.

when i touched it., it felt like back to the 90’s.. yup.. the 90’s..

the monitor :  it’s AcerView 34T UVGA 15″, i’m not really sure if the factory still fabricate this monitor. with analog controller for contrast and brightness

the mouse : it’s Logitech with rollerball instead of optical mouse.

the cpu : it’s P4 1.8 Hz, Vtech 486DX-series, 512 MB RAM.

it’s the state of the art of computer, (of course in the 90’s,..hahaha)

and for this time being i should say it’s old school,  retro maybe, classic…yet i like it, because starting tommorow i dont have to carry the weight of my (soon to be old school laptop),  my back is going to be free, and my laptop shall be resting for a moment (i ussually turn it on for almost 24 hours).

wow.. it almost 8 months since i posted my poem. it’s been a while.. where have i been ?? so many events i’ve been through and none to share.. hohoho… but then i said “i’ve written it in Bahasa, in my other blog”

we’ll writing in english requires extra energy, it means more vitamin, milk and of course biscuit writing in english more likely a sport.

hmmm.. i think for this time i just write another poem.

time of past
one’s journey, one’s experience
one’s teacher
time of present
made of past who we are
made of experience what we do
it’s been a while, since i left the seconds
it’s been a while, since i left the minutes and hours
changes has come
today is dream of past,
for who i become,
for what will i be
time of future
none can tell, none can predict
another journey and experience
best is a must

and now actual poem that i’ve written in english,

I’ve done what should I’ve done
Reduction to my thought
One hope to right way
Right way to let go
So hard to
But have to
One thing in mind hard to forget
But life that I got
My life.
The time won’t stop
So is life
Life goes on
I have life, my own life
I have dream, my own dream
I have will, my own will
It doesn’t matter anymore
i have my will,
my own free will

(March 20th,  2004,)

i have written this poem long time ago, and wrote it in Bahasa, i was thinking to translate it to English, and so i tried,.. and this is one of the poem.

tears of goodbye has dropped
memories are flashing
a moment become eternal
will it still be our story?
could it without tears
when i greet you

There’s time to say goodbye
parting soon be reality
without opportunity
it isnt the end
it’s only beginning
when we’re parting

when time goes by
wipe away the tears

waiting for the sun to rise
make your seeing and hearing

i’ll be back,,i’ll be back

with a change

(Cimahi, March 22nd 2004)

Listening to a song could be an experience, and it’s various.

it could emerging and refreshing, we could feel happy, extraordinary, even melancholic one.

and i thinks it depends on the tone, pitch , composition of the songs and of course its lyrics.

i think for common people like myself, lyrics has the biggest influence to drive the feeling, sense, taste, sensation, of ourselves , moreover when in a middle of a things.

the things, let’s say, it could be love, sympathizing on something, and etc.

oh , and it could saving people from killing themself, like the one in a movie “Yes Man”, the song by Third Eye Blind – Jumper, save the man and i like the song.

anyway for me, recently, songs also has its influence in my life, here are the list of songs :

1. Coldplay – Fix You
2. Maroon 5 – harder to breath
3. Andy Williams – Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
4. Ronan Keating – When you say nothing at all
5. Avenged Sevenfold – Dear God
6. Radiohead – Creep
7. U2 – With or Without you

lyrics of the songs makes me wonder and think, i shouldn’t distressed, mourn more than it should be there’s still an option to choose, a path to walk, like the lyrics

Lights will guide you home,
.:: Coldplay – Fix You ::.

and home, where i want to be.there is always the best for me.

lament must be forbid, lets open my eyes, my mind and my heart,,

I never thought it would come to this
And i,
I want you to know
Everyones got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away
.:: Third Eye’s Blind – Jumper ::.

maybe, i’ve passed this dark and stupidity,, nope.. it’s not stupidiy it’s a lesson, lesson that i’ve learned.

when someone asked me an important questions,

i just cant get it out of my head that easily, it stuck in there, round around, finding best possibilities, to overcome with.

my answers usually come with “it’s okay”, but i turns to be not okay.. it’s not okay, i can’t get rid of it out of my thought, it shadowing me, making me vulnerable, making me tremble, what if it really happening, the consequences is inevitable. Remorse and despondensy, arise to the surface.

telling it to someone isnt helping that much,… it just adding the tension to the table. Somehow it’s relieving though. (for temporary)

i cant stop it , neither can i slow it down, it flows, without realizing the direction of it,

is it a normal flow,?? or pressurized flow?

i cant overcome it, it is very far from what i’ve said, it’s so far.

can i stand it ?? can i get through it ? can i ?

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!
Live the life you’ve imagined.
As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.

–Henry David Thoreau–

just make it simple as it is.. my friend used to tell me that, “make it simple”.. everything has its path.

have faith in any of the dreams. dream will come arise..

heu..

Just one, make it simple!!!

Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.

– Ralph Charell –

it is the way i should do, ? be smarter, be more agile, be more creative, think more and do more.

then again , must i really avoid the crowd. ??

the question is “could i really avoid the crowd?”

hmmm, be the chess player.. who moves the pieces wherever, whenever it takes.. okay then, get to it!!

unspoken thought, soon will be forgotten,

that’s what i feel for the last few days, because of i didnt have the chance to speak it up , or i didnt make the chance, or maybe the chance didnt come to me,

and now time pass by, i really dont know, and dont sure, if i could to speak it up to the roof

my wish for this time being,…. is unspoken!!!

and again , maybe

The most profound statements are often said in silence.

–Lynn Johnston –